I enjoyed writing my first fiction for my character (or avatar), Cara. It was more special because I had to write this in female perspective. Therefore, I could not just simply start writing it down. I had to think every single event I made for Cara before I write it down to see if it makes sense in female perspective.

This activity was performed on a forum called “My Life Discussion Forum”, where students are able to post their stories spontaneously. It was very interesting to read other people’s stories as well. Exchanging our characters with other students to continue to write about them was also possible because of this system. Therefore, we could have more creative results in creating our characters.

It is hard to determine whether a woman’s life is more or less real if it arises from a collective of unknown authors. I guess it depends on who are involved in a collaborated work. I honestly had a trouble myself writing about this girl, Cara (because I’d never written a fiction about a girl before). After I wrote about her, I think it sounds very superficial and not real. However, when Allyson Harvest, who continued Cara’s story, picked up where I left to continue writing about her, she made Cara more sounds like a real female character. I was surprised to how my character could improve by a female writer. As I practice to think in female perspective and feminism, I could also write better stories for other character.

When I was creating Cara and continued writing on another character, Corey, I used a lot of my experiences. They are, for example, things that I saw or certain emotions that I felt that I believed other people could feel as well. Writing about Corey, whom Meredith Glantz already created, was easier than writing about Cara. I guess it is because Corey has settled “rules” to follow. I did not need to create more rules to expand Corey’s experience.

This Collaborative writing performance was most valuable time to me this summer. It actually made me think what I learned for past six weeks in this course. Also, My Life discussion forum was the place where I could creatively express and show what I learned in the course.

Day 1 – by DJ Lee

My avatar name is Cara. I was born on February 14 1988, Valentine’s Day. I really don’t like my birthday because I usually end up getting lots of chocolate for my birthday. It is also the day when my mother died. Since then, I don’t enjoy chocolate that much and don’t feel excited at all. I’ve never seen my father. He left me, mom, and my older brother, Chris, before I was born.
Chris is five years older than me, so he was able to take care of me and supported me. Without him, I wouldn’t be able to write a short story to you. I guess I was influenced by Chris when I was a child. I always followed him and try to act like him. I learned so many things from him. I can’t explain how much I thank him and how much he helped me to be what I am now. You know, “The greatest thrill was to be one to “tell.”" (p119)
Is this because of my brother? I always tried to be a boy. I tried to be physically strong and act like boys when I was young. In middle school, I tried to join boy’s soccer team. But I was rejected. Why does it have to be like this? I was confident that I could compete with boys! Gender limits too many things. Not only sports are separated, but also certain jobs that require more physical work.

Day 2 – by DJ Lee

It is 10:30 pm and raining endlessly. Tonight must be the most refreshing day I haven’t felt for a long time. Just before the rain starts, the sound of air conditioning fan irritated me. But now, it is interesting that everything went so silent. Only thing I hear is rain hitting on the roof my house and booming thunder once a while.
When rain was about to stop, ambulance siren woke me up from my daydream. When I am alone and in a mood like this, I stare out of the window from my bedroom and think… random things. Am lonely? Or is this because I ate too much pancakes for dinner today? “It’s o.k. to have pancakes for dinner.” (Pg. 59)

Day 3 – by DJ Lee

When we were kids, whenever I and my best friends meet up at a café, we talk way too much and too loud, so other people there for a pleasant time like us gets uncomfortable. Today is more special. We are just happy to see each other in a while. My friend Alice, Kate, and Hanna, we were the best friends and the only people hung out in high school. It’s been about two years we haven’t seen each other’s face. So I guess we all have so many stories to tell each other.
Wow, we all tried to speak at once and sometimes, I could see Alice couldn’t start up her story because Kate dept talking and talking talking talking… And Hanna also tried to say other interesting topic to other people. But this did not disturb me at all to have fun with them because I was simply too excited and too happy to get together in two years. As I watched three of them trying to tell their best stories to us, I learned that “Learning to listen, that is not to talk.” (Pg 52)

Day 4 – by DJ Lee

Face and face and faces… There so many faces, I could not find same faces. Everyone looks different. Even twins are a bit off each other. I never found people who look exactly like me at all in my life.
The funniest thing to me is that people in this world picks out the hottest girls and boys, sexiest girls and boys, and whatever they want to rank. And I ask myself, who makes these criteria to rank this? I never understood this. People just look at what they only see. It’s like judging the most delicious orange just by looking at them. If you want to know whether fruit is delicious or not, you have to observe it more carefully than just looking at it. Sometimes, you have to hear how it sounds when you knock them. Sometimes, people are picky about how it is grown and where it was planted. You know, these kind of things. We, women, cannot be just judge by our faces. “Faces are our shield as illusion to other people to protect us”.

Day 5 – Allyson Harvest (Continued on)

As I was watching TV and noticed all the pretty faces of models, actresses and actors and other various celebrities I became discouraged. Do we know these famous celebrities for anything other than their beauty? What else do they provide in their lifetime? I decided, “I want to remember more than that” about my life of course. I don’t want to be just another pretty face or be known for having a gorgeous body. I want my life to have meaning. I want to help someone or groups of people. I want to live a life that changed the lives of many, so that my legacy can live on. There’s no real joy out of living a life that has no meaning. I haven’t decided exactly how I will do that yet. I’ve thought of becoming a social worker or a doctor or police officer, but I feel like none of those things are really me. I haven’t figured out where my life is exactly headed yet, but when it comes to be I feel like I will know instantly that that is the profession I belong in. My profession will change the lives of others in a positive way. “I want to remember more than that” about my life. Forget about the countless parties, the fights, or the unimportant things, I want to graduate from college and help save the world. That statement sounds kind of corny, like something that a super hero would say, but that’s the truth. My life will mean something to an enormous amount of people, you’ll see.

Day 6 – Allyson Harvest (Continued on)

So after much thought I figured out a way to make sure my life has meaning. I believe I finally discovered my true calling in life. I was kind of pushed in the right direction so to speak. I was talking to one of my good friends, Amanda, about her experience studying abroad and she suggested that I do it. She explained to me some of the things she did and she told me how being in Africa changed her perspective on the world. So I want to become a researcher in third world countries. I believe it will be an extremely difficult task, but also very rewarding. I will make a difference on people’s lives in a positive way and that will help me feel better with my life. “It’s a small world, but there are many ways of dividing it into small parts.” I believe by dividing the world into small parts I will be able to cover more ground, so that is what I am looking into. Hopefully it works out for the best.

Day 7 – Allyson Harvest (Continued on)

“Last night, in my dreams, I swam to the bottom of a lake, pushed off in the mud, and rising rapidly to the surface shot eight or ten feet out of the water into the air.” After this dream I woke up in a panic. I was sweating, breathing hard and extremely scared. It was hard for me to fall back asleep after this, so I watched TV for a while. Is this supposed to be a sign of something? I’m very superstitious when it comes to things of that sort. I believe everything in life has meaning and signs are given to us about things. I had no idea what this dream meant, so I went about my day regularly looking for any hint of my dream in my everyday life. Looks like nothing came about. It is now the end of the day and I am still debating on the meaning of that dream.

Day 8 – Allyson Harvest (Continued on)

Today was a beautiful day. The weather was perfect, sunny, not too humid and only a few clouds in the sky (not storm clouds but those perfect, white, puffy ones). I went swimming today with a few friends because of this. We live by the beach, so we have the pleasure of enjoying the sand and sea. While at the beach I saw this gorgeous lifeguard. He smiled and my heart melted. “One can discover the name of one’s true love by plucking daisy petals, jumping rope, or counting the tiny white spots of imperfection on a fingernail.” My mother always used to say that to me growing up and since I didn’t have daisies, or a jump rope I started counting the tiny white spots on my fingernail. As I was doing this I didn’t even realize the lifeguard came up behind me and introduced himself, Patrick, what a perfect name. He thought I looked semi-lost, so he came over to help. We spoke for a while before he had to go back to his job. He came back every now and then to check up on me before we left. We exchanged numbers and my heart almost skipped a beat. I never believed in love at first sight until now. Is this what it feels like?

Day 9 [Closing entry] – By DJ Lee

I have given myself a lot of time to think about myself from my past experience and present. Now, I am confident that I found the answer for What I really want to do for my life.
Today, I got accepted from the school that I am selected as an exchange student in South Africa. I was worried how I was going to pursue my dream because I don’t have any financial dependents (since I was born). If school is supporting me and a host family will take care of me when I stay there.
I will make this opportunity to change me into better person or person who has brighter dream to success in future! “This was a year at a breaking point, turning over, given in the swift combination” (Hejinian 40).
Here is my favorite quote: “Yesterday was history; tomorrow is mystery; today is gift. That’s why we call it present.”

Everyday Self-Portrait

There are pictures of myself doing my most favorite activities: taking pictures, programming, cooking to be healthy. I had to smile in some of my self-portrait because that is really me. I have to smile when I do things that I really enjoy. I do really smile and laugh myself when I play with computer and cook. Especially cooking, it gives me so much joy than eating out to me. When I take pictures, I become serious. Although  I love and enjoy taking pictures, I cannot smile when I take pictures. To take a perfect still shot of somthing, the camera has to be still as well. Laughing would result fuzz pictures.

I have been always curious since I was born.

My father used to buy me all kinds of electronic appliances when I was a child. Of course, he did not expect me to use it properly, but he gave me all these expansive electronic appliances to experience and learn them. 5 years old DJ simply took them apart and observed them. I remember I opened up so many electronics: television, toaster, tape recorder, Walkman, GameBoy, computer, and etc. All most everything I could see at home. Well, it doesn’t mean that now I can make one out of scratch, but it was very value experience to me to develop natural skill with electronics and comfort level with electronics. I guess this is why I am so addicted to, especially, computer and ended up studying in IT field, information science.

Little DJ also opened up many cameras including many disposal cameras to expansive SRL cameras. I just love camera. I like the fact that a camera can capture the time of space that never stops in our time spectrum. Photography can record the time visually. In my bag, I always have a small digital camera. You never know what kind of event you want to capture. Trapping time in a piece of data is very attractive.

The last picture is DJ cooking. My grandmother raised because my parents are both professors. They really didn’t have time to take care of me. You know how grandmothers are. They always give you excessive food and try to make you happy. Right? No? Well, my grandmother did. (She still does.) Anyway, she cooks really well. Tell the truth, she used to be a professional cook. That’s why. She never shopped grocery at regular grocery stores like Giant, Wegman’s, or Walmart. She directly went to various farmer’s markets or went to a farm to buy unprocessed raw ingredients.

I grew up with healthy organic home-made food!!! I guess this is also why I try to cook for myself and try to use good and healthy ingredients in my dish.

I love my family.

I recorded a video of myself sleeping for couple hours… It turned out pretty boring to watch this recorded tape. So I decided to make multiple captions.

I chose this activity because we, human, sleep 1/3 of their life sleeping! Well, I do sleep everyday and probably it is my most favorite activity in the world! In this sense, I call sleeping activity as a from of art. This picture of me sleeping wouldn’t tell you any story, but in my brain, there must be multiple dreams going on! You can imagine what it is! This picture can be interpreted in many different ways.

Difference between art and life is that art captures specific moments in life and life gives opportunity to make it into art to last forever. Life goes on and disappear from the time, but art captures the time and stays forever.

Note: By the way, my hairs are way too long for me. So I wear a hairband when I go to bed.

*I edited this again today. I just compiled all the pictures into a short movie clip!

Divine in spirit and in youth –
Blissful he resides in his retreat.
The glimpse of her beauty, the sound of her voice-
His enamored soul is ardently defeat.

A silent alarm is suddenly heard-
The flames burst with no end in sight.
The burning persists, my eyes are swollen-
From the fire’s deathly light.

Visions flash before my eyes-
The sensations race through every vein.
In the dark and all alone-
Unleashed is my chastening pain.

The blazing agony pierces my heart-
Like that of a sharp blade of grass.
The storm has at last enveloped me-
The teardrops and drops of blood amass.

A raindrop falls upon my head-
A darted bolt of light I see.
The suffering numbs my feeble body-
The eternal darkness is calling me.

I have never taken a picture of my back until now and by doing this, I gave many thoughts to myself. This was the first time I looked at my back and think about my gender. Frankly, I feel very weird looking at my back. When you see a picture of human, you can tell which gender it is. However, the picture of my back does not really tell what gender I am. When I first saw this picture, I could not tell it was me. I guess I am not use to looking at my back. My hairs are massy from waxing it, so I guess you could tell it has to be male. My shoulder is not too wide for male either. It looks a bit feminine to me. What if I my hair color was blonde? That would make me look more feminine. I am not surprised because I hear that I look feminine from my friends all the time.

Welcome to my blog. My name is DJ Lee. I made this website for WMNST003 course I am taking for this summer. The page can be found on the panel to right.