My Life Project inspired by Lyn Hejinian – Cara

Day 1 – by DJ Lee

My avatar name is Cara. I was born on February 14 1988, Valentine’s Day. I really don’t like my birthday because I usually end up getting lots of chocolate for my birthday. It is also the day when my mother died. Since then, I don’t enjoy chocolate that much and don’t feel excited at all. I’ve never seen my father. He left me, mom, and my older brother, Chris, before I was born.
Chris is five years older than me, so he was able to take care of me and supported me. Without him, I wouldn’t be able to write a short story to you. I guess I was influenced by Chris when I was a child. I always followed him and try to act like him. I learned so many things from him. I can’t explain how much I thank him and how much he helped me to be what I am now. You know, “The greatest thrill was to be one to “tell.”" (p119)
Is this because of my brother? I always tried to be a boy. I tried to be physically strong and act like boys when I was young. In middle school, I tried to join boy’s soccer team. But I was rejected. Why does it have to be like this? I was confident that I could compete with boys! Gender limits too many things. Not only sports are separated, but also certain jobs that require more physical work.

Day 2 – by DJ Lee

It is 10:30 pm and raining endlessly. Tonight must be the most refreshing day I haven’t felt for a long time. Just before the rain starts, the sound of air conditioning fan irritated me. But now, it is interesting that everything went so silent. Only thing I hear is rain hitting on the roof my house and booming thunder once a while.
When rain was about to stop, ambulance siren woke me up from my daydream. When I am alone and in a mood like this, I stare out of the window from my bedroom and think… random things. Am lonely? Or is this because I ate too much pancakes for dinner today? “It’s o.k. to have pancakes for dinner.” (Pg. 59)

Day 3 – by DJ Lee

When we were kids, whenever I and my best friends meet up at a café, we talk way too much and too loud, so other people there for a pleasant time like us gets uncomfortable. Today is more special. We are just happy to see each other in a while. My friend Alice, Kate, and Hanna, we were the best friends and the only people hung out in high school. It’s been about two years we haven’t seen each other’s face. So I guess we all have so many stories to tell each other.
Wow, we all tried to speak at once and sometimes, I could see Alice couldn’t start up her story because Kate dept talking and talking talking talking… And Hanna also tried to say other interesting topic to other people. But this did not disturb me at all to have fun with them because I was simply too excited and too happy to get together in two years. As I watched three of them trying to tell their best stories to us, I learned that “Learning to listen, that is not to talk.” (Pg 52)

Day 4 – by DJ Lee

Face and face and faces… There so many faces, I could not find same faces. Everyone looks different. Even twins are a bit off each other. I never found people who look exactly like me at all in my life.
The funniest thing to me is that people in this world picks out the hottest girls and boys, sexiest girls and boys, and whatever they want to rank. And I ask myself, who makes these criteria to rank this? I never understood this. People just look at what they only see. It’s like judging the most delicious orange just by looking at them. If you want to know whether fruit is delicious or not, you have to observe it more carefully than just looking at it. Sometimes, you have to hear how it sounds when you knock them. Sometimes, people are picky about how it is grown and where it was planted. You know, these kind of things. We, women, cannot be just judge by our faces. “Faces are our shield as illusion to other people to protect us”.

Day 5 – Allyson Harvest (Continued on)

As I was watching TV and noticed all the pretty faces of models, actresses and actors and other various celebrities I became discouraged. Do we know these famous celebrities for anything other than their beauty? What else do they provide in their lifetime? I decided, “I want to remember more than that” about my life of course. I don’t want to be just another pretty face or be known for having a gorgeous body. I want my life to have meaning. I want to help someone or groups of people. I want to live a life that changed the lives of many, so that my legacy can live on. There’s no real joy out of living a life that has no meaning. I haven’t decided exactly how I will do that yet. I’ve thought of becoming a social worker or a doctor or police officer, but I feel like none of those things are really me. I haven’t figured out where my life is exactly headed yet, but when it comes to be I feel like I will know instantly that that is the profession I belong in. My profession will change the lives of others in a positive way. “I want to remember more than that” about my life. Forget about the countless parties, the fights, or the unimportant things, I want to graduate from college and help save the world. That statement sounds kind of corny, like something that a super hero would say, but that’s the truth. My life will mean something to an enormous amount of people, you’ll see.

Day 6 – Allyson Harvest (Continued on)

So after much thought I figured out a way to make sure my life has meaning. I believe I finally discovered my true calling in life. I was kind of pushed in the right direction so to speak. I was talking to one of my good friends, Amanda, about her experience studying abroad and she suggested that I do it. She explained to me some of the things she did and she told me how being in Africa changed her perspective on the world. So I want to become a researcher in third world countries. I believe it will be an extremely difficult task, but also very rewarding. I will make a difference on people’s lives in a positive way and that will help me feel better with my life. “It’s a small world, but there are many ways of dividing it into small parts.” I believe by dividing the world into small parts I will be able to cover more ground, so that is what I am looking into. Hopefully it works out for the best.

Day 7 – Allyson Harvest (Continued on)

“Last night, in my dreams, I swam to the bottom of a lake, pushed off in the mud, and rising rapidly to the surface shot eight or ten feet out of the water into the air.” After this dream I woke up in a panic. I was sweating, breathing hard and extremely scared. It was hard for me to fall back asleep after this, so I watched TV for a while. Is this supposed to be a sign of something? I’m very superstitious when it comes to things of that sort. I believe everything in life has meaning and signs are given to us about things. I had no idea what this dream meant, so I went about my day regularly looking for any hint of my dream in my everyday life. Looks like nothing came about. It is now the end of the day and I am still debating on the meaning of that dream.

Day 8 – Allyson Harvest (Continued on)

Today was a beautiful day. The weather was perfect, sunny, not too humid and only a few clouds in the sky (not storm clouds but those perfect, white, puffy ones). I went swimming today with a few friends because of this. We live by the beach, so we have the pleasure of enjoying the sand and sea. While at the beach I saw this gorgeous lifeguard. He smiled and my heart melted. “One can discover the name of one’s true love by plucking daisy petals, jumping rope, or counting the tiny white spots of imperfection on a fingernail.” My mother always used to say that to me growing up and since I didn’t have daisies, or a jump rope I started counting the tiny white spots on my fingernail. As I was doing this I didn’t even realize the lifeguard came up behind me and introduced himself, Patrick, what a perfect name. He thought I looked semi-lost, so he came over to help. We spoke for a while before he had to go back to his job. He came back every now and then to check up on me before we left. We exchanged numbers and my heart almost skipped a beat. I never believed in love at first sight until now. Is this what it feels like?

Day 9 [Closing entry] – By DJ Lee

I have given myself a lot of time to think about myself from my past experience and present. Now, I am confident that I found the answer for What I really want to do for my life.
Today, I got accepted from the school that I am selected as an exchange student in South Africa. I was worried how I was going to pursue my dream because I don’t have any financial dependents (since I was born). If school is supporting me and a host family will take care of me when I stay there.
I will make this opportunity to change me into better person or person who has brighter dream to success in future! “This was a year at a breaking point, turning over, given in the swift combination” (Hejinian 40).
Here is my favorite quote: “Yesterday was history; tomorrow is mystery; today is gift. That’s why we call it present.”